| TODAY
Hmm. I was just loitering myspace and reflecting upon the actions I carried out through the day, and then I remembered something... I have an xanga.
WOW. THAT IS LIKE SO AMAZING.
Today were the New York State ELA's?
Oh yea.
We all had to read this article on cars that run on compressed air, and on washers and dryers.
WE THEN HAD TO WRITE AN ESSAY ON WHICH IMPACTED/IMPACTS PEOPLE.
Now, who am I to judge these test peopke? But seriously, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS MORE IMPROTANT, AN ENVIORMENTALLY FRIENDLY CAR, OR AN ENERGY WASTING WASHING MACHINE?
And somehow, I got into critizing the 'war on terror'. ? Gah. I'm confused.
And I did it myself. My dog is licking my knee.
And I really wish he would stop.
THE MEDICATION.
Okay... so at my last docters visit I flat out told her that I hated my meds. I said they prevented me from being myself, with no spontanious outbursts, insecurity, a shyness to speak out, and that opression of creativity, makes me easily bored and generally a much more boring person to be around. I don't care if it helps with concentration, if it hides my personality, I'm going to continue to hate it always. I was actully proud to have said something, I would have normally just said that everything was fine and nod my head like always. For once, I told her of my medication problems not because I needed a higher dosage, but because I crave my old self. For once I plain out stated
I don't like it, and I told her so.
Her response? Of but of course.
She claimed that when I'm on concerta my brain works like every other 'average' person. Too bad I'm not the average person, who's use to being and thinking like the average person does; since I have this 'disorder', that when unmedicated makes the world look like a whole lot brighter and full of good things that are ignored while medicated, despite a short attention span and LD's. And if you don't know what I'm talking about/cannot relate/cannot supply any artifical apathy/sympathy/similarity that you would verbally 'express'; I'll just describe it as kind of like getting a taste of colour after living your life in black and white, and then having to live the rest of your life knowing of this wonderful vivid perspective while actully living in black and white - except in reverse kinda (which would be living your life in full colour until st grade, when your world is suddently turned black and white, for me it was okay for about 7 years and now I want the colour back badly - wait, why did I type both examples?) She said many patients taking medication for concentration (catchy pun I just made, isn't it?) (ADD PILLS) also dislike taking it (which is true because I've seen alot of people on the internet/blogs/myspace/messageboards etc. who say similar) and then suggested I try a week without meds and see what me teachers say. She then said to see what my teachers actully say in response to my acutality. She seemed quite excessive over any wrong awnsers I would say in class without medicine, (obivosuly, because I'm always a mindless moron who needs to be medicated in order to participate in class with correct awnsers, despite the fact that my medication often makes me think most things over 10 times before I descide aginst it for fear of what will happen, thus lack of participation on report card.) since I'm usually too insecure to say anything and being non-medicated allows me to say something which could be 'mindless' as she implyed. Not much faith in my personality, I can tell you that.. Of course then my mother chimed in giving her opinion saying I'm rude without meds. (such a big reason to remain medicated isn't it? risking happiness for timid politeness and 'concentration') AFTER she suggested I try the newly introduced ADHD patch.. And I got a booklet and a non medicated sample...
What angered me a bit was the fact that my mother didn't take my dislike for concerta seriously, so the docter basically didn't either.
Anyway, I will continue to hope that I will get the chance to prove that I don't need medication everyday, sometime soon.
(and I'll try to be 'polite' to my mother when I'm off it)
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| So, this is xanga?
Wow. I've only come here to see.
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| Xanga
Type your first post here, then click "Submit" to publish it to your Xanga Site  |
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